The world fades as the light is put out. Eyes flutter shut and the pull of the blackness calls me to itself. I know not where it will take me this time. Darkness envelops me and my conscious mind rests. The subconscious takes over, and my mind takes me to a wondrous place. I see people I have never met before. Faces of those in my future, faces of the past, and faces I am not destined to know. Sensations wash over me as I sleep.
Walking around, never knowing where I'm going. No control over my actions.
* * *
"Look out!" I yelled as an explosion rocked the store. The concussion knocked me to the ground and I could hear the screaming of people trying to flee. I felt debris impact me as glass cuts into my back. I already felt the warm liquid flowing down. Getting over the initial physical shock of the explosion, I got up to see if I could help anyone.
Screams of agony cried out and I was almost overwhelmed with anger and grief. Looking around through the settling smoke, I could see the bodies of dozens of people. Some were still alive.
"AAAAAHHHHGGGG!!" came a cry from a woman near me. My eyes shot to her position and she looked straight in my eyes. "Please. Help."
Her injuries were extensive, but not life threatening. Somehow, the training of years of disaster relief I could hardly remember come back. "Ma'am, I'm going to get you out of here. Don't worry, you're going to be fine." Assessing her injuries, I made a snap decision. "Can you stand?"
"…I... I think so." I helped her up and she wobbled a bit from the disorientation. Walking her over to the edge of the blast zone, I gave her into the waiting arms of the paramedics. They hustled her into an ambulance with another victim and then the aid car sped off. One of the other EMTs turned to me.
"Thank you so much for your help."
"It's the least I can do. And I mean that. I have to get back in there and see if there is anyone else I can get out.."
He stared at me like I just grew three antlers. "Hey, man, you can't go back in there! The zone is too dangerous. There are gas lines around the area of the explosion. They could burst at any moment!"
"Hey buddy, there are people still in there and I don't know about you, but I am not about to leave them to die! I'm going in! No arguments!" He looked at me again, but then just nodded in acquiescence. Rushing back in again, I yelled over my shoulder, "Just be ready when I come back out!"
"Will do," the medic said under his breath. "Will do."
* * *
My nostrils were assaulted with the acrid smell of smoke and burning flesh. I knew that by now I would be at risk of smoke inhalation and carbon poisoning, but I didn't care. I spotted a man lying on the floor, unconscious. Kneeling down, I tried to pick him up as gingerly as I could, but it wasn't easy, as he wasn't light. For the thousandth time that day, I thanked God for my gym membership. Once I got him out to the EMT's, I laid him on a stretcher. Finally, the fire trucks drove up, sirens blaring. I spotted a firefighter jumping out of one of the trucks and advised him of the situation.
"The place was blown to hell. Since it happened in one of the high traffic times for the store, we've got a lot of injured in there. While I was in there, I noticed there was a fire next to where I think the gas line might be. We need to get these people out and treated." Nodding, the fireman notices the blood that had seeped through my shirt.
"You better get yourself looked at. We'll take it from here."
I stared at him with a look of determination. "There is no way I am staying out here. You need help and there might be people in there that I know." I could tell he was about to say something to ease my worry and cause me to stay away, but I kept going. "Look, I was a fireman for five years. I know what I'm doing and I know for a fact you need all the help you can get." He looked like he was considering what I was saying, so I pressed on. "This place is a ticking time bomb, and we need to get everyone out that we can. You guys need to clear the area as well while we wait for the police to arrive."
Finally, he nodded and we move in.
After forty stressful minutes, we had gotten almost everyone out. The burns and cuts on my back were a constant annoyance, and I was having trouble staying on my feet. Looking around one last time, I sew that they everyone was out. A rescue worker hollered, "Hey buddy, we gotta' get outta' here! This place is about to blow again and there's nothing we can do!"
"Okay," I yelled back. "I'm coming!" I took one last look around. Just then, something caught my eye. Looking closer, I saw two little shoes beneath a pile of rubble. There were legs attached to them! "Wait!" I yelled back at the rescue worker. "Someone's still in here!" Seeing that he didn't hear me, I ran over to the spot and started clawing at the debris covering the person. Tossing rubble aside, I finally reached them. It was a brown-haired little girl of about six, lying unconscious. She had small lacerations on her face and forearms. I thought to myself, "She probably tried to block her face with her hands and got knocked out by the blast."
Picking her up as gently as I can, I started to sprint out of the near-demolished department store. I could hear something start to build in the back of the store, where the gas line resided. I tried to run faster. But I was too late.
BOOM!
I felt extreme heat on my back and tried to cradle the child in my arms as tightly as I could. The explosion gripped me full-force and fire washed over me. My legs were swept out from under me as I was launched forward, trying to shield the little girl from the worst of it. I prayed a quick prayer that she would be all right, even if I didn't survive. Before I even hit the ground, everything turned to blackness.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Ch. 2
Sounds. A constant, steady beeping. Muted talking. Beeping gets faster, still steady.
Smells. Rubbing alcohol. Powdered rubber gloves. Sterile.
Sensations of pain washed over me and I heard a groan. Me? Struggling to open my eyes, I vaguely felt a tube coming out of my arm and in my nose. The air felt cold and was being forced to flow into me. Welcoming it, I tried to squint my eyes through the numbing pain and all I saw was a bland ceiling of white tiles. I tried to move my head, but my stomach objected to the attempt.
"Ohhhhh."
"Woah, hold up there. Take it easy, you've been through a lot." A face came into my line of sight. It looked familiar, but I couldn't remember who it was. "We all thought you weren't going to make it for a while there."
"Huh?" I mumbled as I tried to make sense of what he was saying, all the while my head feeling like it was put through a meat grinder.
The man looked at me with concern. "Don't you remember? The attack in the mall?" I shook my head in the negative, immediately regretting the action. "You helped get a lot of people out of there. You're a genuine hero." The look of admiration on his face was unmistakable, and I started to remember. Images started flooding back – the initial explosion, people launched across the store; the burning sensation as it hit; the attempt to get everyone out before the gas line blew.
The gas line! "The girl! Where is she?!" I managed to yell out and immediately shot up into a sitting position. Suddenly every nerve in my body screamed out with a newfound pain. I clamped my eyes shut. Gentle hands slowly lowered me back onto the bed as I fought for consciousness.
"Please calm down sir!" came another voice, a doctor I assumed. "You need to rest. Your body has been subjected to incredible trauma and it needs to recover." I could hear him turn to the other man and speak to him. "I think visiting hours are over for now. He needs to rest."
"All right, doc." he replied, the reluctance in his voice evident. "Just tell me when he wakes up next. He might have a lot of questions."
I heard footsteps and they got progressively quieter. The doctor said something else, but the hard beating of my heart drowned it out. I struggled to stay awake, but the medicine eventually won out. I gave up the fight and let the darkness embraces me again.
* * * * * *
The fuzz in my mind began to subside as the steady beeping woke me from the artificial slumber. Still reeling from the last time I was awake, I started to experiment with opening one eye. That worked, so I open the other. So for, so good. With my eyes open, I turned my head around and surveyed the room for the first time. 'A hospital, huh?' I thought. 'Maybe I got hit worse than I thought.'
The nurse standing in the doorway, once seeing my eyes were open, motioned for someone to come in. The nurse walked in fully and behind her strolled the same man that was in the room with me before. He looked hesitant and wary for some reason, fiddling with his hands. A second later, I saw why. Walking beside him nervously was a little girl. I recognized her face almost instantly and my eyes snapped open.
She ran right up to my bed and I turned to face her. "You're okay?" I asked weakly. She nodded meekly and gave me a little smile. I reached out my hand and she took it in hers. "I was worried about you. What's your name, sweetie?"
"Casey," she said after a slight pause. The man stopped his fiddling, turned with eyes wide open, and looked straight at the girl. I glanced up at him and then back at her. Wondering what that look meant, I continued. "Well Casey, why don't you go over there and sit for a while, while the nice man and I have a little talk. Okay?" She nodded her head emphatically 'no' and gripped my hand tighter. "Don't worry, it'll be okay. I'll be right here." After another firm 'no' nod, I decided to give in. "Okay, you can stay right here." Motioning to the standing man, I asked him for two chairs. He pulled them over from the other side of the room and they both sat, Casey's hand still firmly set in mine.
I knew this would probably be a very long conversation, so I decided to get right to it. "So, what's your name, firefighter?"
He snickered to himself. "Name's Richard Vernon. I was the one you talked into letting you go back into that "ticking time bomb." He tried to suppress a shudder, but unsuccessfully.
I voiced what had been running through my mind ever since I woke up the first time. "Bad?"
"Yeah," he started out. "The whole place just blew apart. Whatever wasn't blown away from the first explosion was taken care of nicely by the second. When you didn't get out of there by the time it hit, I thought you were gone for sure." He looked over at the child. She was sound asleep, her hand still in mine. He put a finger to his lips and continued, whispering now. "I'm sure glad you stayed, though. You saved her life, for sure."
Getting out of his momentary reverie, he turned his gaze back to me. "So, with all that saving people from certain death and general hero work of yours, I never did catch your name."
"Sean Williams. What, was my ID not with me? I could have sworn I brought it with me to-"
"Burned," he interrupted. "You were pretty crispy by the time the other guys and I found you. Worst case I've ever seen, including that of my own people."
"So how long have I… you know…"
"About a month."
My mouth dropped open. "A MONTH?" He shushed me quickly so as not to wake Casey. "A month?" I repeated.
"Yeah. Shortly after you got here, you slipped into a coma. It was touch and go for a while, and you had more surgeries than I thought was possible for a human." We both laughed at that.
"So what about her? What's her story?"
Looking over to her again, his voice took on a confused tone. "Well, we don't know much about her. Thanks to dental records, we identified her parents with some of the victims you helped get out of there. They were dead before we could help them. After it was all over, the cops did some checking. As far as we can find out, she doesn't have any relatives in this state. Some of the boys back at the fire station are taking care of her for the time being, until we can find more of her family."
She looked exhausted; I couldn't even imagine what she was going through right then. "How's she handling everything? I mean is she doing okay?"
"Well, that's the thing. I don't know. She hasn't said a word to anyone at all until just now when she told you her name. She's been here just like this ever since it was possible to visit you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I don't know why, but she always wants to come see you. She practically dragged me out of the house when she found out you were awake. I think she might know you saved her. I don't know how, but I thinks she knows and wants to thank you somehow."
"Well, she's just done that by surviving. I was so worried that she would die there along with me when everything went to hell."
We both looked at her. "Well, buddy? You don't have to worry anymore because I think you're both gonna make it."
Looking down at the soft features of the adorable sleeping little girl, I thought, 'Yeah. I think we will.
'I think we will.'
Smells. Rubbing alcohol. Powdered rubber gloves. Sterile.
Sensations of pain washed over me and I heard a groan. Me? Struggling to open my eyes, I vaguely felt a tube coming out of my arm and in my nose. The air felt cold and was being forced to flow into me. Welcoming it, I tried to squint my eyes through the numbing pain and all I saw was a bland ceiling of white tiles. I tried to move my head, but my stomach objected to the attempt.
"Ohhhhh."
"Woah, hold up there. Take it easy, you've been through a lot." A face came into my line of sight. It looked familiar, but I couldn't remember who it was. "We all thought you weren't going to make it for a while there."
"Huh?" I mumbled as I tried to make sense of what he was saying, all the while my head feeling like it was put through a meat grinder.
The man looked at me with concern. "Don't you remember? The attack in the mall?" I shook my head in the negative, immediately regretting the action. "You helped get a lot of people out of there. You're a genuine hero." The look of admiration on his face was unmistakable, and I started to remember. Images started flooding back – the initial explosion, people launched across the store; the burning sensation as it hit; the attempt to get everyone out before the gas line blew.
The gas line! "The girl! Where is she?!" I managed to yell out and immediately shot up into a sitting position. Suddenly every nerve in my body screamed out with a newfound pain. I clamped my eyes shut. Gentle hands slowly lowered me back onto the bed as I fought for consciousness.
"Please calm down sir!" came another voice, a doctor I assumed. "You need to rest. Your body has been subjected to incredible trauma and it needs to recover." I could hear him turn to the other man and speak to him. "I think visiting hours are over for now. He needs to rest."
"All right, doc." he replied, the reluctance in his voice evident. "Just tell me when he wakes up next. He might have a lot of questions."
I heard footsteps and they got progressively quieter. The doctor said something else, but the hard beating of my heart drowned it out. I struggled to stay awake, but the medicine eventually won out. I gave up the fight and let the darkness embraces me again.
* * * * * *
The fuzz in my mind began to subside as the steady beeping woke me from the artificial slumber. Still reeling from the last time I was awake, I started to experiment with opening one eye. That worked, so I open the other. So for, so good. With my eyes open, I turned my head around and surveyed the room for the first time. 'A hospital, huh?' I thought. 'Maybe I got hit worse than I thought.'
The nurse standing in the doorway, once seeing my eyes were open, motioned for someone to come in. The nurse walked in fully and behind her strolled the same man that was in the room with me before. He looked hesitant and wary for some reason, fiddling with his hands. A second later, I saw why. Walking beside him nervously was a little girl. I recognized her face almost instantly and my eyes snapped open.
She ran right up to my bed and I turned to face her. "You're okay?" I asked weakly. She nodded meekly and gave me a little smile. I reached out my hand and she took it in hers. "I was worried about you. What's your name, sweetie?"
"Casey," she said after a slight pause. The man stopped his fiddling, turned with eyes wide open, and looked straight at the girl. I glanced up at him and then back at her. Wondering what that look meant, I continued. "Well Casey, why don't you go over there and sit for a while, while the nice man and I have a little talk. Okay?" She nodded her head emphatically 'no' and gripped my hand tighter. "Don't worry, it'll be okay. I'll be right here." After another firm 'no' nod, I decided to give in. "Okay, you can stay right here." Motioning to the standing man, I asked him for two chairs. He pulled them over from the other side of the room and they both sat, Casey's hand still firmly set in mine.
I knew this would probably be a very long conversation, so I decided to get right to it. "So, what's your name, firefighter?"
He snickered to himself. "Name's Richard Vernon. I was the one you talked into letting you go back into that "ticking time bomb." He tried to suppress a shudder, but unsuccessfully.
I voiced what had been running through my mind ever since I woke up the first time. "Bad?"
"Yeah," he started out. "The whole place just blew apart. Whatever wasn't blown away from the first explosion was taken care of nicely by the second. When you didn't get out of there by the time it hit, I thought you were gone for sure." He looked over at the child. She was sound asleep, her hand still in mine. He put a finger to his lips and continued, whispering now. "I'm sure glad you stayed, though. You saved her life, for sure."
Getting out of his momentary reverie, he turned his gaze back to me. "So, with all that saving people from certain death and general hero work of yours, I never did catch your name."
"Sean Williams. What, was my ID not with me? I could have sworn I brought it with me to-"
"Burned," he interrupted. "You were pretty crispy by the time the other guys and I found you. Worst case I've ever seen, including that of my own people."
"So how long have I… you know…"
"About a month."
My mouth dropped open. "A MONTH?" He shushed me quickly so as not to wake Casey. "A month?" I repeated.
"Yeah. Shortly after you got here, you slipped into a coma. It was touch and go for a while, and you had more surgeries than I thought was possible for a human." We both laughed at that.
"So what about her? What's her story?"
Looking over to her again, his voice took on a confused tone. "Well, we don't know much about her. Thanks to dental records, we identified her parents with some of the victims you helped get out of there. They were dead before we could help them. After it was all over, the cops did some checking. As far as we can find out, she doesn't have any relatives in this state. Some of the boys back at the fire station are taking care of her for the time being, until we can find more of her family."
She looked exhausted; I couldn't even imagine what she was going through right then. "How's she handling everything? I mean is she doing okay?"
"Well, that's the thing. I don't know. She hasn't said a word to anyone at all until just now when she told you her name. She's been here just like this ever since it was possible to visit you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I don't know why, but she always wants to come see you. She practically dragged me out of the house when she found out you were awake. I think she might know you saved her. I don't know how, but I thinks she knows and wants to thank you somehow."
"Well, she's just done that by surviving. I was so worried that she would die there along with me when everything went to hell."
We both looked at her. "Well, buddy? You don't have to worry anymore because I think you're both gonna make it."
Looking down at the soft features of the adorable sleeping little girl, I thought, 'Yeah. I think we will.
'I think we will.'
Ch. 3
"PLEASE HELP ME!"
The sound came from within the building and my mind and heart did a back-flip. It was a little girl's voice! 'Casey!' my mind screamed. A figure appeared behind the window of the department store. It was her. She was screaming for help, for someone to get her out of the dangerous building. The doors had been blown open from the first explosion, but the roof section around the door had collapsed and there was no way out except for the large window.
I took off in a run for the little girl, but was stopped by another explosion. The ground shook and I watched in horror as the back of the store was engulfed in a huge fireball. I stood there, numb, as the fireball reached Casey. The blast impacted her body and threw her through the large window, shattering the glass and sending her flying fifty feet through the air. Her scorched body hit the pavement awkwardly and she flipped many times before coming to a stop. I finally could move, and I ran as fast as my legs could take me. Her body was a bloody and blistered heap, and I could already see many injuries that would have been fatal. I put two fingers up to her now-scarred neck and tried to feel for a pulse. There was none. She was dead.
** ** ** **
I bolted up in my bed, breathing heavily. Looking around wildly, my mind slowly registered that I was still in the hospital and I calmed myself down. The latest in my string of nightmares was one of the most disturbing yet. They had gotten worse in the past few weeks. The "Department Store Bombing," as it was coming to be known, was still fresh in my mind. Ever since I had woken up in this hospital bed, I had been having nightmares of that day, about what could have gone wrong. The dreams usually ended in everyone dying. The firefighters had died in one; the EMTs had died in another. But in all of the dreams so far, I had not seen the death of Casey. Seeing her death, even if it was only an image created in my mind, was enough to seriously break me.
Trying to shake myself out of the last vestiges of my haunted sleep, I turned to the person sitting in the chair on the other side of the room. She was looking at me with a combination of fear and concern. "Casey?" I said. "Can you come here, sweetie?"
She got up right away and bounded up to the side of the bed. "What's wrong? You want me to call the nurse?"
"No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to know you were alright." I pulled her in for a hug.
"Of course I'm alright. I've been here with you since Tuesday."
"I know." I hugged her closer. "I guess I just like to give you a hug every once in a while." I let go of her.
She smiled. "Can I come up there with you?"
I hesitated all of .379 seconds before saying, "Sure."
She came up onto the bed and we had our cuddle time. When I was little, my parents always had cuddle time with us kids, and when I told Casey about cuddle time, she practically begged to have her own cuddle time. I was a little hesitant at first, but a persistent Casey asked Dr. Tiecher if it was okay. He had said that it should be fine, as long as she was careful. So we had our cuddle times every time she came to visit, which was every day.
I had been up and about for a few weeks now, on crutches and going through physical therapy to get my strength back. But the doctors still kept me under close observation. The place was driving me insane. Of all the places to be stuck in for almost two months, it had to be some hospital in Colorado Springs. The only thing that kept me from totally freaking out at the staff was Casey and her constant supervision. It was cute how she picked up on some of the doctors' sayings. 'Okay, people. Visiting hours are over.' Or, 'You, mister, need to watch your blood pressure.' Her presence was quite comforting. She was always the first one here in the mornings and the last one to leave. Earlier this week, I had gotten a bit of a cold. I insisted that it was nothing, but when, in one of my coughing fits, I started coughing up blood, I had to admit that something was wrong. The doc gave me the old "you're overdoing it, take a few days and just rest" speech. Rest was the last thing I wanted.
Casey's squirming brought me back to the present and I let go. She sat on my lap and looked at me, concern playing across her features. "What's wrong?"
I smiled and gave her nose a wiggle. "What are you, a mind reader?" When her giggling stopped and she looked at me again, I could see I wouldn't be getting out of this one. "Sean just had a bad dream, that's all."
"What was it about?"
"It doesn't matter." Oh no. There was that look again. She really wasn't going to let me off that easy today. "I dreamed about the 'bad day' again."
"Oh."
She knew what the "bad day" was, and knew about my nightmares. She insisted I tell what happened this time. "You died," I said, my voice catching.
A comfortable silence stretched out for a few seconds. "Need another hug?" she asked.
My eyes were starting to wet at the prospect of losing this little girl whom I had come to love like my own. My voice wavered again. "Yeah. Come here, sweetie." She jumped on me like a lion taking its prey and hugged me tightly.
"I love you Daddy." The slip caught me off guard.
"I'm not Daddy."
"I know," she replied. "But it sounds right."
She was starting to tense up and I asked her, "You want to talk about your parents?"
I remember when Richard told me about her family from the records that could be found about them from their house. They were older when they had her, and most of their relatives had died by then. At the time of the attack, they were the last vestiges of the Harmon family. The only ones to come to their funeral were the people who fought to get their bodies out of the building.
Speaking into my shoulder, she talked for an hour about her father and mother. Hearing about the small bit of who they were from Richard was one thing, but hearing what they were like from their daughter was another thing altogether. She was crying by the time she finished, and I just held her tight and let her cry on my shoulder.
I knew that for both of us, the road to healing would be a long and bumpy one. But this was the first step down the road, and I knew that, eventually, we would both be okay.
The sound came from within the building and my mind and heart did a back-flip. It was a little girl's voice! 'Casey!' my mind screamed. A figure appeared behind the window of the department store. It was her. She was screaming for help, for someone to get her out of the dangerous building. The doors had been blown open from the first explosion, but the roof section around the door had collapsed and there was no way out except for the large window.
I took off in a run for the little girl, but was stopped by another explosion. The ground shook and I watched in horror as the back of the store was engulfed in a huge fireball. I stood there, numb, as the fireball reached Casey. The blast impacted her body and threw her through the large window, shattering the glass and sending her flying fifty feet through the air. Her scorched body hit the pavement awkwardly and she flipped many times before coming to a stop. I finally could move, and I ran as fast as my legs could take me. Her body was a bloody and blistered heap, and I could already see many injuries that would have been fatal. I put two fingers up to her now-scarred neck and tried to feel for a pulse. There was none. She was dead.
** ** ** **
I bolted up in my bed, breathing heavily. Looking around wildly, my mind slowly registered that I was still in the hospital and I calmed myself down. The latest in my string of nightmares was one of the most disturbing yet. They had gotten worse in the past few weeks. The "Department Store Bombing," as it was coming to be known, was still fresh in my mind. Ever since I had woken up in this hospital bed, I had been having nightmares of that day, about what could have gone wrong. The dreams usually ended in everyone dying. The firefighters had died in one; the EMTs had died in another. But in all of the dreams so far, I had not seen the death of Casey. Seeing her death, even if it was only an image created in my mind, was enough to seriously break me.
Trying to shake myself out of the last vestiges of my haunted sleep, I turned to the person sitting in the chair on the other side of the room. She was looking at me with a combination of fear and concern. "Casey?" I said. "Can you come here, sweetie?"
She got up right away and bounded up to the side of the bed. "What's wrong? You want me to call the nurse?"
"No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to know you were alright." I pulled her in for a hug.
"Of course I'm alright. I've been here with you since Tuesday."
"I know." I hugged her closer. "I guess I just like to give you a hug every once in a while." I let go of her.
She smiled. "Can I come up there with you?"
I hesitated all of .379 seconds before saying, "Sure."
She came up onto the bed and we had our cuddle time. When I was little, my parents always had cuddle time with us kids, and when I told Casey about cuddle time, she practically begged to have her own cuddle time. I was a little hesitant at first, but a persistent Casey asked Dr. Tiecher if it was okay. He had said that it should be fine, as long as she was careful. So we had our cuddle times every time she came to visit, which was every day.
I had been up and about for a few weeks now, on crutches and going through physical therapy to get my strength back. But the doctors still kept me under close observation. The place was driving me insane. Of all the places to be stuck in for almost two months, it had to be some hospital in Colorado Springs. The only thing that kept me from totally freaking out at the staff was Casey and her constant supervision. It was cute how she picked up on some of the doctors' sayings. 'Okay, people. Visiting hours are over.' Or, 'You, mister, need to watch your blood pressure.' Her presence was quite comforting. She was always the first one here in the mornings and the last one to leave. Earlier this week, I had gotten a bit of a cold. I insisted that it was nothing, but when, in one of my coughing fits, I started coughing up blood, I had to admit that something was wrong. The doc gave me the old "you're overdoing it, take a few days and just rest" speech. Rest was the last thing I wanted.
Casey's squirming brought me back to the present and I let go. She sat on my lap and looked at me, concern playing across her features. "What's wrong?"
I smiled and gave her nose a wiggle. "What are you, a mind reader?" When her giggling stopped and she looked at me again, I could see I wouldn't be getting out of this one. "Sean just had a bad dream, that's all."
"What was it about?"
"It doesn't matter." Oh no. There was that look again. She really wasn't going to let me off that easy today. "I dreamed about the 'bad day' again."
"Oh."
She knew what the "bad day" was, and knew about my nightmares. She insisted I tell what happened this time. "You died," I said, my voice catching.
A comfortable silence stretched out for a few seconds. "Need another hug?" she asked.
My eyes were starting to wet at the prospect of losing this little girl whom I had come to love like my own. My voice wavered again. "Yeah. Come here, sweetie." She jumped on me like a lion taking its prey and hugged me tightly.
"I love you Daddy." The slip caught me off guard.
"I'm not Daddy."
"I know," she replied. "But it sounds right."
She was starting to tense up and I asked her, "You want to talk about your parents?"
I remember when Richard told me about her family from the records that could be found about them from their house. They were older when they had her, and most of their relatives had died by then. At the time of the attack, they were the last vestiges of the Harmon family. The only ones to come to their funeral were the people who fought to get their bodies out of the building.
Speaking into my shoulder, she talked for an hour about her father and mother. Hearing about the small bit of who they were from Richard was one thing, but hearing what they were like from their daughter was another thing altogether. She was crying by the time she finished, and I just held her tight and let her cry on my shoulder.
I knew that for both of us, the road to healing would be a long and bumpy one. But this was the first step down the road, and I knew that, eventually, we would both be okay.
Chapter 4
The day had come - the day I’d been waiting for. After three long months of recuperation and another month before that I couldn’t remember, I was finally going home. In three days, they would release me. Casey had been here almost the whole time, and I’d fallen in love with the little angel. After that one time when she cried for her parents, she had been calling me “Daddy” ever since. We had cuddle time every day, and she stuck to me like glue.
Casey was sleeping in the bed beside me, breathing softly. Turning back to the door, I saw Richard standing in the doorway. He was smiling and looking at me. “What?” I whispered.
“Oh, nothing. It just looks funny how you look at her when she sleeps.” His smile grew. “Like a father.”
I had to smile at that. “I’ve never had a child of my own. Never really had time for a family.”
“Oh, is that why you never married?” He walked up to my bed. “You’d think that after 33 years, you would have gotten to that.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, women weren’t really a big factor in my life. Sure, I did the dating thing in high school, but I wasn’t really serious with many women. I graduated high school and got a job in a retail store. Got tired of that and trained to be a firefighter.”
“Which brings to mind, why did you stop being a firefighter? You were pretty amazing when you rescued those people in the store.”
I lowered my head and it got really quiet. “I, uh,” I stammered. “I lost a good friend one day, and I just couldn’t go back.”
Richard laid his hand on my shoulder. “I know what it’s like.” He was hesitant to continue. “Who was it?”
“My brother.”
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.”
“What happened?” Richard pressed on.
Steeling myself, I told the tale like I had told it many times before. “Well, it was a regular day as a firefighter. There was a fire on 71st and Yale, at an apartment complex. It was a standard search and rescue thing to get the people in the building out. We got almost everyone out, but my brother went in to get an elderly woman out who couldn’t get herself out. He was in there too long and started slowing down. The fire flashed up again, and he was caught right in the middle of it.” With the least emotion that I could muster, I was telling it like a recounting of the facts, not something that had affected me deeply. It was hard to say the next few words. “He burned to death.”
He waited a minute before asking, “You okay?”
I nodded. It took me a minute to regain my composure. “Anyway, I headed back into the retail business. I worked for a few people, moved myself up in the business, and I’ve been doing that ever since. I was working that day as assistant store manager when it happened.”
“Anyone you know get caught in the explosions?”
I nodded. “A few.”
“Sorry.”
I just nodded again, unable to deal with it right then. “But now I have her.” I looked over to Casey. “I don’t want to lose her, Rick. I can’t.”
“I know.”
We sat in companionable silence as we looked at the little brown-haired girl that had captured my heart. As if on cue, she woke up a few minutes later.
“Daddae?” she drawled, still half-asleep.
“I’m here honey.” I slowly tried to get out of the bed. The scars from the burns still slowed me down, and as Richard tried to help me get up, I waved him off. “I can do it myself. I’m not an invalid.” He just smiled and respectfully backed away while I got up and walked tentatively to Casey’s bed on the other side of the room. “Good morning sweetheart. You gonna get up today?”
She mumbled, “I non’d wanna ged up.” I snickered at her still sleep-slurred speech. “Can I go do da zoo dadey?”
My smile practically reached my ears and I couldn’t help from laughing out loud. I decided to have a little fun. “No, honey. We can’t go to the zoo today. We’ve got to visit my friends, the aliens, on a spaceship this afternoon.”
She bolted up in bed, narrowly missing my chin with her head. “Really? You have alien friends? Can I meet them? Is their spaceship big? Do they have giraffes? What do they look like?”
I was nearly cracking up now. “No sunshine, I don’t know any aliens. But I did just get you up!”
She looked at me with mock anger and said between yawns, “Hey! Cheater!”
“Come here and give Daddy a hug already.” She leaped into my arms and I held her close to my chest. “So, what do you want to do today?”
She looked at me excitedly. “Can we go to the park today? There’s a lake there and it’s really pretty and I wanted to take you there for a long time. Now that you’re better, we can go there and I can show you how good I can swim! Can we, can we, can we?”
I looked over to Richard. “What do you think? A swimming outing with the best little girl in the entire world?”
“Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!” He was smiling right along with us.
I thought for a second before saying, “Well, I’ll have to clear it with the doctor-“
“I already asked,” she interrupted, “and Dr. Tiecher said it would be okay if we went out for a few hours, ‘only if you were careful,’” she imitated in his voice.
I should have figured she would be that thorough. “Well, if the doctor says it’s okay, I guess we get to go to the park today.”
She squealed, “Yay! Swimming!”
All I could do was smile.
* * *
Thankfully, the ride to the park was more or less uneventful. By the time we got to the park, I was already very tired. Richard drove us there, and he was having a very animated conversation with Casey while I sat in the front seat, trying not to fall asleep. I was not doing a very good job at it.
We got there and Richard found a great parking spot right next to the water, and we all climbed out. This time, I didn’t refuse the help that he offered, and he helped me walk over to the towel that Casey had already laid out for us. She was running around trying to get Richard and I to come into the water with her, but both of us opted to stay on the shore for now.
She ran into the water and was splashing around and playing with the other kids. I turned to Richard and said, “Look at her. She’s such an adorable little munchkin, isn’t she?”
“Yeah,” he said, not turning away from watching her. “Hard to believe just three months ago she wouldn’t even talk. No one could guess that she lost her parents just a few months ago.”
My jaw clenched as I thought of what happened. “I just can’t believe there are people out there who would kill that many people. And for what? A political statement?”
He just shook his head. “ I don’t know, Sean. I don’t understand it either. How could someone stoop so low and be so cold and barbaric?”
Our somber mood was lightened when we both hear giggling, and looked over to Casey again. She was having so much fun; I couldn’t help but smile.
-- -- --
After a couple hours, we called Casey in from the water. “Casey, time for lunch!”
When she heard that, she came bolting out of the water and straight to us. She then proceeded to climb right onto my lap, getting me totally soaked in the process. She had a good laugh at that, and we ate lunch.
After lunch, Richard decided to call in to the doctors to tell them how I was doing. Casey went back up onto my lap, and we had our cuddle time. It was late, and the sun was starting to set.
“Daddy, when you go home, can I come live with you?” she said, out of the blue.
Inside, I was jumping up for joy, but I didn’t want to push her into a corner if she didn’t really want to live with me. “Well, is that what you really want, Casey?”
“Yes. I want to live with you and I want you to be my daddy.” I felt like I could jump a mile high. She continued, “I heard Uncle Rick talking about adoption, and how they would have to find me someone to live with and to take care of me. He was talking about some people who were waiting for a little girl, and I don’t really want to go anywhere else. I want to be with you.”
I was almost in tears. “Well, by golly, you beat me to it.” She looked a little confused, so I went on. “I was going to ask you today if you would like me to adopt you.”
She was beaming now. “So you want me?”
“Honey, of course I want you. I want you to be my little girl.”
She gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever had, and I gave her a hug right back.
“I love you Daddy.”
“I love you too, sweetie.”
* * *
Casey was sleeping in the bed beside me, breathing softly. Turning back to the door, I saw Richard standing in the doorway. He was smiling and looking at me. “What?” I whispered.
“Oh, nothing. It just looks funny how you look at her when she sleeps.” His smile grew. “Like a father.”
I had to smile at that. “I’ve never had a child of my own. Never really had time for a family.”
“Oh, is that why you never married?” He walked up to my bed. “You’d think that after 33 years, you would have gotten to that.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, women weren’t really a big factor in my life. Sure, I did the dating thing in high school, but I wasn’t really serious with many women. I graduated high school and got a job in a retail store. Got tired of that and trained to be a firefighter.”
“Which brings to mind, why did you stop being a firefighter? You were pretty amazing when you rescued those people in the store.”
I lowered my head and it got really quiet. “I, uh,” I stammered. “I lost a good friend one day, and I just couldn’t go back.”
Richard laid his hand on my shoulder. “I know what it’s like.” He was hesitant to continue. “Who was it?”
“My brother.”
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.”
“What happened?” Richard pressed on.
Steeling myself, I told the tale like I had told it many times before. “Well, it was a regular day as a firefighter. There was a fire on 71st and Yale, at an apartment complex. It was a standard search and rescue thing to get the people in the building out. We got almost everyone out, but my brother went in to get an elderly woman out who couldn’t get herself out. He was in there too long and started slowing down. The fire flashed up again, and he was caught right in the middle of it.” With the least emotion that I could muster, I was telling it like a recounting of the facts, not something that had affected me deeply. It was hard to say the next few words. “He burned to death.”
He waited a minute before asking, “You okay?”
I nodded. It took me a minute to regain my composure. “Anyway, I headed back into the retail business. I worked for a few people, moved myself up in the business, and I’ve been doing that ever since. I was working that day as assistant store manager when it happened.”
“Anyone you know get caught in the explosions?”
I nodded. “A few.”
“Sorry.”
I just nodded again, unable to deal with it right then. “But now I have her.” I looked over to Casey. “I don’t want to lose her, Rick. I can’t.”
“I know.”
We sat in companionable silence as we looked at the little brown-haired girl that had captured my heart. As if on cue, she woke up a few minutes later.
“Daddae?” she drawled, still half-asleep.
“I’m here honey.” I slowly tried to get out of the bed. The scars from the burns still slowed me down, and as Richard tried to help me get up, I waved him off. “I can do it myself. I’m not an invalid.” He just smiled and respectfully backed away while I got up and walked tentatively to Casey’s bed on the other side of the room. “Good morning sweetheart. You gonna get up today?”
She mumbled, “I non’d wanna ged up.” I snickered at her still sleep-slurred speech. “Can I go do da zoo dadey?”
My smile practically reached my ears and I couldn’t help from laughing out loud. I decided to have a little fun. “No, honey. We can’t go to the zoo today. We’ve got to visit my friends, the aliens, on a spaceship this afternoon.”
She bolted up in bed, narrowly missing my chin with her head. “Really? You have alien friends? Can I meet them? Is their spaceship big? Do they have giraffes? What do they look like?”
I was nearly cracking up now. “No sunshine, I don’t know any aliens. But I did just get you up!”
She looked at me with mock anger and said between yawns, “Hey! Cheater!”
“Come here and give Daddy a hug already.” She leaped into my arms and I held her close to my chest. “So, what do you want to do today?”
She looked at me excitedly. “Can we go to the park today? There’s a lake there and it’s really pretty and I wanted to take you there for a long time. Now that you’re better, we can go there and I can show you how good I can swim! Can we, can we, can we?”
I looked over to Richard. “What do you think? A swimming outing with the best little girl in the entire world?”
“Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!” He was smiling right along with us.
I thought for a second before saying, “Well, I’ll have to clear it with the doctor-“
“I already asked,” she interrupted, “and Dr. Tiecher said it would be okay if we went out for a few hours, ‘only if you were careful,’” she imitated in his voice.
I should have figured she would be that thorough. “Well, if the doctor says it’s okay, I guess we get to go to the park today.”
She squealed, “Yay! Swimming!”
All I could do was smile.
* * *
Thankfully, the ride to the park was more or less uneventful. By the time we got to the park, I was already very tired. Richard drove us there, and he was having a very animated conversation with Casey while I sat in the front seat, trying not to fall asleep. I was not doing a very good job at it.
We got there and Richard found a great parking spot right next to the water, and we all climbed out. This time, I didn’t refuse the help that he offered, and he helped me walk over to the towel that Casey had already laid out for us. She was running around trying to get Richard and I to come into the water with her, but both of us opted to stay on the shore for now.
She ran into the water and was splashing around and playing with the other kids. I turned to Richard and said, “Look at her. She’s such an adorable little munchkin, isn’t she?”
“Yeah,” he said, not turning away from watching her. “Hard to believe just three months ago she wouldn’t even talk. No one could guess that she lost her parents just a few months ago.”
My jaw clenched as I thought of what happened. “I just can’t believe there are people out there who would kill that many people. And for what? A political statement?”
He just shook his head. “ I don’t know, Sean. I don’t understand it either. How could someone stoop so low and be so cold and barbaric?”
Our somber mood was lightened when we both hear giggling, and looked over to Casey again. She was having so much fun; I couldn’t help but smile.
-- -- --
After a couple hours, we called Casey in from the water. “Casey, time for lunch!”
When she heard that, she came bolting out of the water and straight to us. She then proceeded to climb right onto my lap, getting me totally soaked in the process. She had a good laugh at that, and we ate lunch.
After lunch, Richard decided to call in to the doctors to tell them how I was doing. Casey went back up onto my lap, and we had our cuddle time. It was late, and the sun was starting to set.
“Daddy, when you go home, can I come live with you?” she said, out of the blue.
Inside, I was jumping up for joy, but I didn’t want to push her into a corner if she didn’t really want to live with me. “Well, is that what you really want, Casey?”
“Yes. I want to live with you and I want you to be my daddy.” I felt like I could jump a mile high. She continued, “I heard Uncle Rick talking about adoption, and how they would have to find me someone to live with and to take care of me. He was talking about some people who were waiting for a little girl, and I don’t really want to go anywhere else. I want to be with you.”
I was almost in tears. “Well, by golly, you beat me to it.” She looked a little confused, so I went on. “I was going to ask you today if you would like me to adopt you.”
She was beaming now. “So you want me?”
“Honey, of course I want you. I want you to be my little girl.”
She gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever had, and I gave her a hug right back.
“I love you Daddy.”
“I love you too, sweetie.”
* * *
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